Tag Archives: napa

The Law of Diminishing Temperatures

More often than not, restaurants with long tasting menus are the ones that play hard to get. Those where you have to reserve 3 months ahead, desperately refreshing your browser as the bookings open at 4:00am in your time zone. If you’re lucky enough to secure a table, you will have made the 50%, non-refundable deposit before you’re lucid enough to flirt with buyer’s remorse.

Then the fateful day arrives. You’re celebrating your birthday, or your anniversary, or maybe you speak French and those two words confusingly mean the same thing. Perhaps you’ve planned your vacation around this meal, or saved for months as you brace for the impact of a bill that is comparable to your mortgage payments. And what, pray tell, is your reward for all of this preparation and sacrifice?

A motherfucking cracker.

Continue reading

Posted in Essays | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Oxheart

“They spell puddin’ with a ‘G’ here, hon.”

I throw on a Texas twang neither of us have while I joke with my sister. It’s the first time we’ve had dinner alone in five years, and we’ve driven three and a half hours to get here.

We decide that in our home state, eliding that letter is required when speaking of corn puddin(g), but optional when one merely writes about it. Now before I do precisely that, some background is required…
Continue reading

Posted in United States | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment